The #HoldOntoTheLight campaign has asked authors to share openly
about depression and since I’ve struggled with it all my life, I was asked to
participate. The good news is that I’m so much better than I was before. In
fact, every day is a joyous smile of yes, yes, yes! And yes, I’m
lying. The truth is that every day is NOT a glorious wave of internal
joy, but on the whole, it’s way better
than it was before.
Depression is hard and thoughts of suicide are real. I know, I’ve been there. Guess whatwas the most
important thing I learned about my depressions.
1.
Johnny
Depp did not cheer me up. Even his 21 Jump Street reruns.
2.
Depression
is a cycle. Sure I’ll get depressed again. Maybe even linger on (obsess about)
suicide. But I climbed out the last dozen times, and I’ll climb out this time,
too. That’s a certainty. I just have to hold on until it happens.
3.
The
only one putting pressure on myself is me. That means I can remind myself—a
thousand times if necessary—that it’s okay to miss a book deadline, soccer
game, or PTA meeting. (In fact, I’ve only attended one PTA meeting ever. Oops!)
4.
SRIs
(medication) let me sleep. Finally, blissfully, wonderfully sleep. Let me tell
you, insomnia always made my depression worse and it was always the first sign.
Ugh!
Answer: 2 – The struggle
against depression played out in agonizing battles in my brain. A gray fog of
awfulness seemed to pervade everything and it constantly told me I was a
failure. Worse, a single battle would often take months. And that’s not even
counting the eons that passed every night I couldn’t sleep.
Once I climbed out of my depression and moved on, I remembered
thinking—often—thank God that’s over. Which meant that when I hit the battle
again, I was triply depressed because I thought I’d finished with that part of
my life. Apparently not.
Once I realized that my depression cycled, life changed immeasurably for the
better. Sure, I’ll probably get depressed again. Deeply so. But on the upside,
that means I’ll climb out of it, too. I have before, I can do it again.
And—bonus—I know better how to handle it. Medication so I can sleep. (I HATE
INSOMNIA!) I completely stop all deadlines and let myself binge watch whatever
I want even if it’s 20 Jump Street reruns. I do love Johnny
Depp. I just don’t think he’ll magically bring me out of my funk. I also take
long walks, get a massage, and absolutely find a way to lay out in the sun.
(Vitamin D deficiency is a big thing for me.)
Hopefully, you have no idea what I’m talking about. But if you do, know that
there is help. There are counselors, medications, and therapies to get you
through. And big hugs from me.
And now it’s your turn to leave a comment. You can give love to those in the
battle or talk about the struggle. One lucky winner will get an e-copy of The Bear Who Loved Me by Kathy Lyons.
About the campaign:
#HoldOnToTheLight is a blog campaign encompassing blog posts by
fantasy and science fiction authors around the world in an effort to raise
awareness around treatment for depression, suicide prevention, domestic
violence intervention, PTSD initiatives, bullying prevention and other mental
health-related issues. We believe fandom should be supportive, welcoming and
inclusive, in the long tradition of fandom taking care of its own. We encourage
readers and fans to seek the help they or their loved ones need without shame
or embarrassment.
Please consider donating to or volunteering for organizations
dedicated to treatment and prevention such as: American Foundation for Suicide
Prevention, Home for the Warriors (PTSD), National Alliance on Mental Illness
(NAMI), Canadian Mental Health Association, MIND (UK), SANE (UK), BeyondBlue (Australia),
To Write Love On Her Arms and the National Suicide Prevention Hotline.
To find out more about #HoldOnToTheLight, find a list of
participating authors, or reach a media contact, go tohttps://www.facebook.com/groups/276745236033627/.
This is such a great campaign. Thanks for sharing.
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