First off I want to wish my fantabulous agent, Laurie McLean, a happy happy birthday! Aries rock Batgirl! Fluff, Puff, and Horace set off today to deliver a birthday cake to you. If they arrive without the cake, well, what else would you expect from them?
I love humor because it’s always flat out fun. And what’s more fun than Fluff and Puff?
“You think he’ll be any nicer than the leprechaun?” Fluff asked as he and Puff made their way down the pink brick road (since they’re not heading for Oz, the bricks aren’t yellow). “I’m still sorta green.” He scratched one ear with the other. “And it really itches.” He tried to reach his tail, but his ear wasn’t long enough.
“He should be nicer. He works with candy, not protecting his dumb gold.” Puff obliged by scratching Fluff’s tail. “And hello! he’s a bunny.”
It had only been a few weeks, but the bunny slippers are still a pale shade of celadon that’s not very flattering. And rumor had it golden Horace was pretending to be an Oscar and now worked as a doorstop. Talk about shooting down dreams of grandeur!
Fluff and Puff were made of stern stuff. Jazz refused to use a spell zapping the green out of their fur and warned them she still had that magickal bunny cage if they got into trouble again.
That was when they took off in search of the Easter bunny.
All it took was finding the right route to the rabbit’s lair. It wasn’t easy to find since he didn’t like company. After all, he had a lot of work to do. Unlike Santa creating all the toys he delivered on December 24th, the Easter bunny spent his year decorating eggs, molding chocolate likenesses of himself and working with the many candy companies to come up with the perfect treats for the kids. Who do you think came up with Peeps?
So now Fluff and Puff traveled the winding pink brick road until it came to an abrupt end.
“Whoa. Totally cool, dude.” They tipped their heads back looking up at what appeared to be a three story colorfully woven Easter basket with a cellophane grass roof and a large brightly colored egg chimney.
“Here we go,” Puff said, pushing a large carrot. Here Comes Peter Cottontail chimed all through the house.
Fluff danced around on the blue painted porch. “I wish he’d hurry up. I gotta go.”
“Dude, look at all the grass around here?”
“Hey! Maybe you’ll do it in the open, but I like my privacy.”
They perked up when the white door swung open then backed up.
“Whoa, what happened to you, EB?” Puff asked, staring at what didn’t look at all like the white fluffy Easter bunny little children adored.
“Gotta go,” Fluff muttered, sliding past the Easter bunny.
“Down the hall to the right,” EB told him.
Puff went inside, keeping a wide berth of the six-foot tall white bunny covered with lime green and orange spots. The rabbit grimaced as he scratched his butt.
“Tell me that’s not contagious,” Puff said, still staying a safe distance.
“I don’t think so. I don’t know what it is. It’s been going on for almost a year. I just woke up this way and it keeps getting worse.” He continued scratching, sometimes in places Puff didn’t even want to think about. “I’m really behind on my work too.”
“Where’s all the chocolate?” Fluff’s scream of horror bounced off the walls.
Puff wasted no time scurrying down the hall with EB close behind. Puff discovered that along with the strange spots, EB didn’t smell all that good either.
A room that seemed to go on infinity was filled with plank tables covered with a variety of baskets in many sizes, shapes and colors. Not one of them was filled. Shelves lining the wall were also empty.
“No chocolate bunnies, no chocolate eggs, NO CHOCOLATE!” If Fluff had arms he would have grabbed the Easter bunny and shook him. “Not even one decorated egg lying around.”
“I’ve been sick,” EB whined, even as more spots popped out over his fur, this time blue and purple and the stench factor increased. “You have no idea how much stress goes into this job. I’m expected to provide enough candy and baskets for everyone. Do I get an assistant to help out? No! Do you know how many years I’ve done this?” He advanced on the slippers who backed away as quickly as he moved forward.
“Chill, just chill,” Fluff advised. “We’re here to help. As long as you pay us in chocolate.”
“In fact,” Puff steered the spotty EB to the door. “Why don’t you go lie down while we handle this?”
Easter bunny dug in his furry heels. “I can’t do that! It’s the Easter bunny’s job to get all the baskets ready.”
“Yeah, well, you’re not doing such a good job.” Fluff investigated the contents of cabinets. “Besides, how hard can it be? Melt chocolate, pour it into molds, pop them out, and do some decorating. Hard boil a bunch of eggs, paint and make them pretty. Push stuffing into plush bunnies and chickies. See if the Peeps guys did their job. Easy peasy.”
“We’re bunnies too, ya know,” Puff added.
“This is very unorthodox.” But he’d started scratching again and more nasty smells were wafting off his fur. “Well, maybe I’ll just take a short nap. It’s been a very traumatic time for me. There’s a manual for everything on the table by the window. Just start things. I’ll come back in an hour or so and finish up.”
Four hours later, Easter bunny was still snoring away until an explosion rocked the basket/house. He fell out of his nest/bed and made his way down the hallway coughing from the burning smell in the air and waving his feet at the black smoke.
“What did you do?” Easter bunny stared at had once been a magickal workroom and now was missing two walls, and the other two were splattered with burnt chocolate. To make matters worse, cotton batting was stuck to the chocolate spattered walls along with cellophane grass in an assortment of colors, and a one foot tall rabbit carrying a basket groaned out the tune to the Bunny Hop as it wobbled drunkenly from side to side.
To make matters worse EB's agitation caused his spots to spin crazily over his fur and the nose-wrinkling stench to increase.
Fluff and Puff were decorated with colorful splashes of tinted white chocolate all over them.
“Yeah, um.” Fluff hesitated. “We guess it wasn’t as easy as we thought it would be.”
“We’ll call Jazz,” Puff spoke up. “She can fix it.”
While Jazz did indeed use her magick to fix the Easter bunny’s workroom and create all the Easter treats he needed for the kids, two bunny slippers spent their time in a magickal cage and no possibility of an egg hunt for them or early parole.
Update: The Easter bunny has filed a restraining order against Fluff and Puff so they can never visit him again. And Jazz helped out creating a protective bubble that will ensure they don’t enter his property again.
Always a good idea to not let Fluff and Puff help you make any kind of chocolate.
I'm part of a romance writer panel at UC Irvine on Saturday, April 10. If you live in Southern CA, I hope you join us! http://www.literaryorange.org/