Friday, November 28, 2008

Black Friday for Fluff and Puff




“Why couldn’t we stay home?” Puff whined from his spot in Jazz’s Marc Jacobs pink leather tote, as she wove her way through the hordes of people that pushed around Jazz.

“Because you might come in handy.” Jazz had the grim determination you only saw one day a year. The day after Thanksgiving when serious shoppers came out to do their holiday shopping.

Jazz was there armed with credit cards, ready to do what it took to get all her shopping out of the way.

Fluff’s ears curved over the top of the bag, then his eyes peeped over, widening at the mob around them. “I’m going back to the car.”

Jazz tightened her hold on the bag. “No, you’re not.” She pushed her way into Nordstrom on the quest for the perfect gifts. It wasn’t long before she found a leather jacket for Nick, an even cuter leather jacket for herself, sweaters for Stasi and Blair, a wrap for Thea and she was still going strong.

“I want a pretzel,” Puff demanded.

“Later.” Jazz’s gaze narrowed as she spied a plum silk top across the store. She made her way there, but someone else saw the top too and there was only the one. “Create a diversion. Trip her,” she muttered, unceremoniously dumping them out of her bag.

“Pretzel,” Puff reminded her.

“Yeah, yeah.” But her mind was on the prize.

The slippers growled their way among the shoppers, who tended to stay out of their way, yet not one screamed or fainted as their magick protected them.

Jazz remained behind them, watching the woman destined to lose the top, because IT WAS JAZZ’S. She started to throw out a freeze spell, but she made a promise not to use magick when shopping. Sigh! She quickened her steps and practically slid across the floor reaching out for the top the same time as the other woman.

“I believe this is mine,” the woman said frostily, practically jerking Jazz off her feet as she pulled on the hanger.

“I was here first.” Jazz was happy to see that Fluff and Puff were on either side of her new enemy. She wanted this top, damn it!

Just then the woman yelped and released the hanger. Puff slid back, looking proud of himself.

“Now I get my pretzel.”

“After I finish my shopping.” Jazz glared at the woman who looked ready to pitch into her. “Not getting this top isn’t the end of the world,” she told her before she walked off.

“Pretzel!” Puff raised his voice.

“You promised!” Fluff added his two cents.

“Give it a rest. I said I’ll get you guys pretzels after I finish here. Oooh, pretty!” She squeaked to a stop by a large rack of silk dresses.

Fluff and Puff didn’t say another word, but sulked big time as Jazz finished her shopping in the store and added more large shopping bags to her arms.

As she exited the store, alarms went off big time.

“What the –“ Jazz looked around to see who’d set off the security alarm when a hulkish type man came up to her.

“If you’d come with me, ma’am,” he said quietly, taking her arm in a hold that said to come with him or else.

“What’s the problem?” She so wanted to zap him good, but she knew it wouldn’t be a good idea.

“We believe you have items you haven’t paid for.” He steered her toward the offices.

“Oh believe me, I paid for everything and have the receipts and depleted charge card to show for it.” If she wasn’t on probation, she would have used a spell to get out of there without any fuss, but she knew the man was wrong and there was nothing she loved more than showing a man he was wrong.

“So what exactly didn’t I pay for?” Once in the office, she set her shopping bags down and looked the part of a disgruntled shopper. After all, she had sales to plunder! More gifts to buy! And there was that gorgeous dress she saw in the paper that she knows would be perfect on her.

The security officer reached into one bag and pulled out two fluffy items.

Jazz stared at Fluff and Puff and laughed. “Are you kidding me? They’re mine. I brought them with me for when my feet get tired.” She gestured with her stiletto boots.

The man’s expression didn’t change as he held them up higher with an obvious price tag attached and a plastic loop that kept them together.

“Sure, lady. We all don’t believe in taking tags off our own items.” He dropped them on the desk, where, damn them, they didn’t move an inch and acted as if they were literal footwear, and picked up a phone. “And we have zero tolerance against shoplifters here.”

Jazz picked them up, gasped at the fifty-dollar price tag and glared at them hard enough to cause steam to come out of her ears. “You little shits,” she gritted. “You reveal yourselves now.”

Nothing.

The guard shook his head and picked up the phone.

Ten minutes later, Jazz was escorted out of the office by a police officer. When she glanced over her shoulder at the slippers still lying on the desk, she saw Puff slowly close one eye in a wink and mouth the word pretzel.


So a word of warning. If you’re at the mall and see bunny slippers, have a pretzel ready. They prefer the cinnamon sugar ones.

Linda

7 comments:

  1. Congratulations Linda, you just made my Black Friday. And also made me want a pretzel. Terribly funny, and terribly timely. Thanks for sharing!

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  2. Very cute, Linda! Jazz should know by now not to mess with Fluff and Puff. Hope your Black Friday went better than Jazz's did. I am in bed with the laptop working on the Same Time Sunday copy edits and recovering from the turkey coma!

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  3. Bad, BAD Fluff and Puff!!! My Crocs are much better behaved!

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  4. Thanks Christina.

    Having a big soft pretzel at the mall is sort of a tradition for my mom and me when we're there and no wonder Fluff and Puff want them too.

    Still, think how easy it would be to scoop up all the fun sale stuff if they're helping? As long as you feed them first.

    Linda

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  5. Same here, Marie, but I'm in a comfy bed with my laptop.

    Yeah, Jazz was focused on clothes and not what they could do.

    Linda

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  6. Cheryl,

    If Croc and Delilah had been with Jazz they would have remained in Cosmetics and happy as clams.

    Linda

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  7. Hi Lin,
    I have to agree with Fluff and Puff, I love those cinnamon/sugar pretzels too....I wouldn't want to wait while someone shopped until they dropped either...lol...Love the story...Tabs

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