Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Getting Personal - our Little Lamm

Hi everyone!

I've been a little incognito for the past couple of months. I've barely tweeted, ventured onto Facebook, or even participated in forums like I normally do. The reason for this? Personal, important, and something that not a lot of people talk openly about.

My husband and I are going through an in vitro fertilization (IVF) cycle.

It's amazing to me how little people know about it. The first thing people usually think of is Octomom, or test tube babies. But the reality of the process is fascinating, terrifying, and completely amazing.

Day 5 blastocyst - From Wikimedia Commons
My husband and I have been going through infertility diagnostics and treatments off and on for ten years. It's been very, very difficult. And part of the reason it's so difficult? It makes you feel ashamed of your own body.  I'm open about our infertility treatments because it's my way of tearing down the wall of quiet shame that infertility forces on us. I want people to know, because if I'd known anyone who could talk about it when I was first going through it, things would have been easier to bear. Pregnancy is natural, normal, and so easy that horny teenagers can just glance at one another and instantly get knocked up, right? So what's wrong with us?

The short answer? Nothing. Though we've seen five or six different reproductive specialists, no one has ever been able to pinpoint the reason we've been unsuccessful. All our tests come back as normal. We fell into the category of unexplained infertility, which is a pretty sucky category.

So, what have I been up to for the last two months? Shots. Shots and shots and more shots. That I had to give myself, every night, for weeks on end. For two weeks, there were two shots a night. And those shots were loaded with crazy-making hormones, hormones that made my ovaries swell and make multiple eggs, hormones that made me want to punch people upside the face.

But they worked. We got 9 eggs, and 8 of those were mature. 7 of them fertilized. And last week, two of them were transferred back into me.

So now, we wait. There are more hormones, which I'm taking as a good sign. I want to kick my husband in the teeth, which I'm told is also a good sign. I'm being as calm and happy and healthy as I possibly can be, telling these little cauliflower-looking cells to keep growing, grab hold, and stick around for the next 40 weeks or so.

My husband held my hand and we watched on the ultrasound screen as our little embryos were transferred into my uterus.
"See that white dot on the screen there? Your embryos are right there."
My husband's voice was soft as he said, "Isn't life amazing?"

It very much is.

Gina Lamm is the author of the Geek Girls Regency romance time travel series. Book 3, Kiss the Earl, is coming in April of 2015! You can visit her website here.


  1. One of my best friends did IVF 4 times. She had two single births, one set of twins, and one miscarriage. I know a lot about it, and I know it's stressful and hard and so worth it. From my own experience (not with IVF but trying to conceive), the waiting to find out if you're pregnant is the hardest part. I used to think about it ALL THE TIME. It would practically make me crazy because it was all I could think about. Am I pregnant? Are my boobs a little sore? Is more hair falling out that should? Why does my back hurt? Is that a sign I'm pregnant? Fingers crossed for you and Mr. Lamm, Gina. You have my thoughts and prayers.

  2. HOping and praying so hard for you!

  3. Very brave of you to talk about your situation and I agree it should be talked about more so that people don't feel a stigma over this issue. Good luck and here's hoping you have a healthy and happy pregnancy to report soon.

  4. The best of luck, Gina! I hope it all works out for you.