Sunday, April 3, 2011

NOT ME! NOT ME!

by Carolyn Brown


Look in Webster's Dictionary and you will NOT see a picture of Carolyn Brown beside the word procrastination.


When I have a deadline or when there's a virtual blog month coming up, I'm on it like a gossip on a juicy story. So no one can ever say that I procrastinate. Don't even like the word. It sounds like something Granny would have washed my mouth out with soap if she even overhead me whispering it.


The reason I don't procrastinate is because if I don't reach my goals then I can't sleep and insomnia is a far worse demon than just getting things done. With that said, this blog could end right here.

So blog is done, right?

WRONG!!


I might get the queen's pretty sparkly crown for getting my writing done. But when I really, really did one of those inner searches (don't you hate that niggling little inner voice that tells the truth) I found out that ugly word had set up shop and the APC (Anti-Procrastination Committee) was already asking for my crown back.

Oh, no! Oh, no!

Yes, ma'am, big as Dallas, there it is. I procrastinate when it's dish washing time and I don't even lose sleep over it.

Several years ago when my daughters were both still home the dishwasher went to that big old appliance junk yard in the sky. We really did think about having one installed (the one we'd had was a portable thing on wheels) but I wasn't willing to give up the cabinet space and beside we had two daughters who, with a little training could wash dishes. Little training? Who was I kidding? It was a fight to the death every single evening but as long as I was winning, I was saving money on a new dishwasher. Then the kids all grew up and it was just Husband and me, and I still didn't want to give up that much cabinet space. So now I procrastinate (Please whisper that word. Granny has very good ears even in Heaven and I don't like the taste of soap) until the end of the day and do a whole day's dishes at once.

Is that all? That hateful little truth voice inside my head asks.



Well, no! Now that I'm in the confessional, I hate to clean closets and all those shoes piled up on the floor doesn't keep me awake a single minute! Besides, isn't that why they put doors on closets? To keep the junk inside? And I do have a guest notice nailed beside all closet doors that says: Open at your own risk. Insurance is not provided for broken limbs or death. Feel free to stomp any spiders that rush out but be careful if you see a furry creature. We lost our son's hamster twenty years ago and Son would still whine (even though he's a grown man) if you stomp his long lost Zeus. Oh, and if you find one red boot, there's a reward offered. I'm not sure if I left it at the Honky Tonk, in the watermelon patch, or where it ended up.


It's not supper time so the dishes don't have to be done and the closet doors are closed with the notices in plain sight. I've given my crown back to the APC so now I can get on back to what I like to do best. WRITE!!


Mr. Mark Twain said, "Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow."

So if you would get a kiss from Timothy Olyphant or Blake Shelton or (insert good lookin' man of choice here) if you told the truth...what is it that you put off until tomorrow or the day after? The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth! 'Fess up time...or do you get every job done without procrastination? If so send me your email address and I'll send the virtual crown out by the cyberspace cadets!

13 comments:

  1. Terry: Oh, yes, taxes! I forgot about those. The APC won't ever even let me look at the crown again!

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  2. Love that Mark Twain quote! I definitely put off cleaning, but I couldn't leave the dishes until the end of the day. I can ignore dust but not a pile of bowls. Thankfully, I have a dishwasher, could use more cabinet space, though...

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  3. Shana: You get to at least peek at the crown if you keep the dishes all done up!

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  4. I just paid my taxes, so no one can pin that one on me. I'm not much of a procrastinator, but I find that as time goes by and I get busier, things around the house get done less and less often. I'd say more, but I have to leave something for when I write my own blog on this topic!

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  5. Carolyn, how can anybody be so funny and so inspiring all at the same time? AND you solved my insomnia problems!
    I would horrify your grandma with my frequent procrastination (sounds like a medical condition). I used to firmly believe that if you just set the bills aside and pretended they weren't there, they would disappear. This natuarally led to lessons learned, and I don't do that anymore.
    I rarely procrastinate about writing. I've discovered that if I find myself putting it off, it's because there's something wrong with the book and the universe wants me to think about it for a while. Then I figure out what went wrong, cut a bunch of pages or change a few scenes, and vroom! I'm off and running again.
    And one more thing - I'm hoping that your son's hamster Zeus found my childhood hamster Prudence and they're off living a little hamster romance novel in a messy closet somewhere.

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  6. Cheryl: I thought housework, dust bunnies and that gunky stuff on top of the ceiling fan blades was just "writer's collateral damage." No one really expects us to write and do those things too, do they? YIKES!!

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  7. Joanne: Zeus and Prudence will be celebrating their 20th anniversary soon. The oldest litter is finishing high school and the youngest is doing the potty training. They are living their HEA and they live in YOUR closet! LOL
    And I'm glad to have been of help with the insomnia. Keep whispering that word...Granny was a stickler for bad language!

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  8. When I started writing, something had to go. And guess what? Cleaning was the first. :}

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  9. Kathryne: Important things first, right! That's why they make closets. Shove everything in there and slam the door!

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  10. LOL, Carolyn. I procrastinate doing the dishes, too. And yes, that's exactly why there are doors on closets and space under the bed. Out of sight, out of mind.

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  11. Olivia...you got it! And if it's dark you can shove all kinds of things out on the back porch until guests leave! LOL

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  12. Hi Carolyn! I ignore the dust bunnies too! :}

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