Saturday, February 5, 2011

Are You Ready For Valentine's Day?

By Robin Kaye

I’m a romance writer. I live, eat and breathe romance—especially when I’m on deadline. But in my life, I can’t say that Valentine’s Day has been anything but anti-climactic.

When I was single, Valentine’s Day was the equivalent of a ticking time bomb. I felt extreme pressure to get a date, a boyfriend, and/or a love life. Once I did get one of the above, then I felt pressure to buy just the right gift and/or card. This was always tricky because it was dependent upon what stage the relationship was in on February 14th. Now, I don’t know about you, but my relationship stage knowledge was invariably flawed. Should I buy a card with the ‘L’ word on it? Should I get one about sex? Friendship? Or just go with the funny card to be safe? Then there was the whole gift question. How would he feel about a pair of white silk boxers with red lips all over them? Would he like flowers? Chocolate? Or should I just go, depending on the stage of the relationship, buy myself a sexy nighty and call it good? Quantum physics seemed like playing shoots and ladders compared to buying a Valentine’s Day present for the man in my life.

Did Valentine’s Day get easier after marriage? Yes, probably because my husband and I look at it the same way. We figure that if you have to go all out one day a year to prove you love the person you’re sharing your life with, then you’re not doing your job the other 364 days of the year.

I’m very lucky. I have almost everything I ever wanted. I have a loving husband, a comfortable home, three amazing children, and a career I adore. I try never to leave my husband and children without a hug, a kiss, and an I Love You. I’d much rather my husband come home with flowers on any other day of the year just because he thought I’d like them. I’d rather he bring me coffee every morning and wake me with a kiss then buy me a three-karat diamond for Valentine’s Day and not treat me like a treasure every other day of the year. But since he does treat me like a treasure, and there’s nothing wrong with dreaming, if he had a lot of extra cash and picked up a nice diamond because he thought I’d like it, I wouldn’t ask him to return it—even if it was on Valentine’s Day.

My wish for you is that every day of your life is Valentine’s Day. If that were true, the world would be a much better place.

What do you want for Valentine’s Day?


  1. I agree with you and your husband. You should show your affection all year long, not just because it's Valentine's Day. A nice card or even just a kiss is ok with me!

  2. Definitely, "Valentine's" should be 365 days a year! And it should be something each gives to the other, not just one-sided either. :) I remember hearing a woman whining because her husband didn't give her anything for Valentine's. I asked her what she had given him? She looked blankly back at me. :) Have some fun. Send him roses at his work on Valentine's Day! :)

  3. I should just say Amen or Yes, Ma'am and let it go at that but I have to share the poem Husband wrote for me several years ago. It's been one of my favorite Valentine's. Yes, we have both have a strange sense of humor! And I agree about it being a relief not to worry so much about one day of the year.
    But I do love poetry! LOL!

    Valentine, my Valentine
    You make me drunk
    like new made wine.
    A smile from you
    makes my heart rise
    like fluffy clouds
    in pale blue skies
    But should you speak
    in harsh rebuke
    I'd stagger off somewhere
    and PUKE!!

  4. Awwww, I feel all warm and fuzzy inside now. Thanks, Robin. I'm about to write the final scene in my WIP and I need a good case of the warm fuzzies to make it work.

    You're a lucky, lucky woman.

  5. Jo Ann~ My husband and I stopped giving each other cards after the 4th or 5th time we gave each other the same exact card. Now we just go to a card store, pick out a card, read it, and put it back. We always get each other the same gifts too so now we tend to call each other and ask before we buy. It's sick.

  6. @ Terry - You are so right. Valentine's Day is a two way street.

    @ Carolyn - OMG! That's so cute!

    @ Olivia - Glad I could help! Good luck with The End! Oh, and I dedicated my last book to my DH and that's exactly what I said. I'm a lucky, lucky woman.

  7. My SO and I will go out to dinner together somewhere in the vicinity of Valentines Day, but we don't exchange gifts, cards or flowers, and haven't for a long time. I agree, it's all about the day-to-day...the full pot of coffee he brews for me before leaving for work. The way he checks the hoses and fluids in my car to make sure I'm safe. The way he plucks the kneading kitten off of me while I'm napping, because he knows I need sleep.

    Being treated with care and consideration means more to me than any bouquet ever could.

  8. The first year we were "friends," Scrape put together the sweetest Valentine gift ever. I didn't even know for sure he loved me, but I knew it then. Makes me all teary just thinking about it. And it amazes me how he looks out for me all year 'round. Just the other day he gave me the last first class seat on the airplane - AND he lets me steal his grandchildren!
    He never wrote me a poem, Carolyn, but if he did it would be a lot like the one your husband wrote! Cute!

  9. I agree that love should be shown throughout the year, not just on the one day. It's the little things throughout the year that mean so much more than one big thing on Valentine's Day.

    Thoughts in Progress

  10. The only love that is a definite for me on V-Day is the Chocolate kind!! LOL There's so many yummy treats this time of year it would be a crime to not indulge!

  11. What a fantastic post and I loved the pics!!
    Velentine's day gives me heartburn -- thanks for sharing.

  12. There's nothing I want for Valentine's Day; here's why. My son was born a few days before V-Day. He's so much more than I deserve. The fact that I can just look at him on Valentine's is enough for me. I know mother's always drone on about their children, but really, I mean it: he's brilliant, silly, handsome, and kind-hearted. And my daughter: the little puff-a-doodle, while not a V-day baby---makes my heart smile.

  13. This comment has been removed by the author.

  14. I agree with you and your husband, and always have about Valentine's Day--maybe because I was single for so long! I used to live in NYC, and it always amused me on Valentine's Day to see the stupendously long line at the florist in Grand Central Station at rush hour as husbands and boyfriends flocked to buy roses on their way home.

  15. I am with you on showing you care every day. I will be treated to dinner as a joint deal as we both enjoy Valentine's is not just for me but for US. susan Leech

  16. I agree completely. My husband and I don't usually do gifts and cards. Sometimes I'll get him a funny card if I think it'll make him chuckle. But I really think going all out one day of the year is extreme. And if he does come through the door with flowers, you'll wonder if he really wanted to do it or felt like he had to.

    Carolyn - your husband's poem is a hoot!

  17. Thoughtful post Bella. It goes in keeping with foreplay being an all day thing, not just at bedtime (I mean cerebrally LOL).

    Since we got engaged on Valentine's Day we can't top that. I like the little everyday thoughtful things. Hubby has a garden and he's a male Martha Stewart so not much store bought stuff can outshine what he can do.

    I have all I need so a "Happy Valentine's Day greeting is good for me, an acknow;edgement that I'm still his Valentine. My hips don't need anything else.

  18. BTW Carolyn, Hallmark needs you!

  19. @ Tamara--I totally agree, car maintenance= Love. No doubt about it!

    @ Joanne - OMG! I met Scrape, he so does not have grandchildren! He was what, five when he had his first kid? He's a real dollbaby, Joanne--and so much fun to flirt with. LOL give him a finger-wave from me. (grin)

    @ Mason - How are you, sweetie? Thanks for stopping by. I'm planning a VD outing just me and my DH. It should be fun and relaxing to get away from the kids.

    @ Stephanie - I so agree!

    @ Venus - I feel your pain! Buy yourself a pound of Godiva or See's and forget all about it. Remember, you can't love anyone else until you love yourself. A fabulous way to do that is to eat chocolate.

    @ Witchy Woman- Aw, that's sweet. My middle daughter has lived away from home for over a year (she's 15) and I still feel as if someone ripped my heart out even though I see her every Sunday. I tell myself her ballet is important to her (she's attending a world-famous ballet school and dancing 40 hours a week while going to High School) but it's still killing me. The other two are still home, but even they feel the loss. My kids are the most amazing people I know. I love them dearly.

    Colette - LOL I remember that too! The lines, you see these pour schmucks buying half-dead roses... Wow--a lot of thought went into that. I'm so touched...NOT.

    Susan - I think my DH are going to The Brandywine River Museum, a favorite of mine, then maybe to Longwood Gardens for a stroll around the grounds and the conservatory before a nice dinner. Sounds like a perfect day to me. Maybe on the way up, we'll plot the next book.

  20. @ Anita - Exactly!

    @ Mary - I'm with you, Bella! I think our DH's are very similar. I remember my mother asking me what Stephen was going to get me for Christmas, a month after our wedding. It's a family tradition for the husband to give the wife a string of pearls. When she asked if he was going to do that, I laughed. "Not unless he can make them himself!" I answered. I was so right. He made me a marble pastry board I still have 21 years later. Maybe not as romantic as pearls, but I use it every day and think of him.

  21. After being married for almost 24 years we've reached the point where we don't give gifts on small holidays. We will get the kids something and he and I might go out to eat, but never on VDay. Way to crowded!

    He did write me a poem when we were expecting our third child. It was so sweet that it made me cry. He has written stuff for the kids too - he's really great at it!

  22. I usually don't get anything for Valentines day. Husband is not good with those kind of things. Not even at birthdays or anything else.

  23. I enjoyed your post. Like everything else, Valentine's is just another day. My husband has always gotten me something special, but he gets me something all the time!! I enjoy being told and showed that I am loved (now don't get me wrong if a big diamond or Jag comes my way, I am not going to send it back) :):)

    Just be good to each other!!


  24. @ Lisa - Oh that's so sweet! He sounds wonderful and it's so nice that he writes stuff for the kids too. What a guy you have! Happy early Valentine's Day!

    @ Virginia - Buy yourself a box of candies and offer to share it with him. Chocolate and a nice bottle of Shiraz brings romance to an evening. Enjoy!

    @ Judy - I agree. I get a kiss and a cup of coffee every morning. Maybe my expectations are too low. (grin)

  25. I absolutely agree that affection should be shown every day in a relationship, AND I like the grand gesture on holidays. I've just been on line ordering my hubby something chocolatey I know he'll love. Of course I'll love it too!

  26. Being single I don't expect anything but I'll do something special for myself--a special donut or cookie. Going out to dinner is impossible on Valentine's Day--too crowded.

  27. @ Amanda - Can I be your Valentine too? I'm all for something chocolatey!

    @ She - Enjoy your cookie or donut and have a very happy Valentine's Day!

  28. just a nice day with my guy. Doesn't have to be anything very special. :-)


  29. We always spend Valentine's Day as a family. My boys always make me a card and we cook a special dinner with chocolate covered strawberries and chocolate covered oreos for dessert. I'm a very lucky mom and wife!

  30. For Honey and I, it's usually
    dinner out or flowers or sugar-
    free dark chocolates ( we're
    diabetics.) That's because we
    used all of our "unusualness"
    for the gift we shared in 1962.
    That was the Valentine's Day when our first child was born!

    Pat Cochran

  31. I've never been a big fan of Valentine's Day. I think it's crazy for someone to spend that kind of money on roses that won't even live that long.

  32. I love the wish that every day is a Valentine's day. Thank you for sharing!