“Mom! Mom, wake up, the toilet’s overflowing!”
“Wha-What?” I leap from the bed and step down on something wet and warm that squishes up between my toes.
“And the cat threw up somewhere.”
“Yeah. Found it.”
I get my incredibly brilliant, well-behaved, adorable children fed, dressed, and in the car… with only minor injuries and emotional trauma (they can work it out later in therapy). As we get into the car the content of my son’s backpack spills to the floor. Trying to stuff the mass of papers back into the bag something catches my eye.
“Oh yeah! I get to bring snack today.”
“We have to be at school in 15 minutes!”
“I want to bring snack mix, fruit salad, and gummy worms.”
“Aaaarrrrgh!” I rush back into the house and fling open the fridge: milk, eggs, cottage cheese, and a container of something that has been there long enough to growl if I come near. I open the cupboards: pasta, soup, tomato sauce, box of granola bars – YES! I grab the granola bars and race back to the car.
“Aawww, Mom. I hate granola bars!”
After I drop off my angelic children to school I drive off to my day job… working for the government. Here’s a typical conversation…
“Hi, I’m calling to inquire why my application forms were sent back,” I say to the helpful person on the line.
“I’m sorry but they were on the wrong version of the form.”
“Oh, I thought I had used the most recent version, when was it updated.”
“Um, but I sent you the packet two weeks ago.”
“It still needs to be on the correct form. Also you need to submit your privacy paperwork.”
“I thought I had,”
“You submitted the Privacy Review Form, but we also need the Data Security Review Plan. You can find it on our website.”
I scan a list of forms as long as the Mississippi. “I can’t find anything by that title.”
“It’s under ‘IRQ Appendix K.’”
“Riiiiiight. Of course.”
I make it through the day and come home to the kids. Now it is time for their activities: ballet, swimming, piano, gymnastics, and my personal spring favorite – standing in the pouring rain watching T-ball practice. Oh yeah, life is good.
Then it’s time for baths, PJs, stories, and bed. The kids NEVER want to go to bed. I reason with them that soon enough they will be working long hours and raising kids of their own and will long for more sleep. This argument has yet to be effective. So I put them to bed. And back into bed. And back into bed. And back… you get the idea.
After they are finally asleep and I finish my chores it’s time to write! If I’m smart I go straight to writing. True to form, I usually check my e-mails first. An hour or so later I glance at the clock and realize it’s close to bed time and I have written nothing except a witty e-mail. Panic building, I open my manuscript and stare at the hypnotic white screen before me. Then it hits me – inspiration! I write and write until I get to “asdlkfjeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee” (my head hitting the keyboard). Somehow I drag myself to bed only to be woken again by the next day’s disaster.
Oh yeah, nothing but glamour! So what is a typical day for you like??