Wednesday, June 18, 2008

The Bachelor Auction - Part XV

Bidding volleyed between me and other hopefuls until we had upped David’s value to five hundred dollars, and I wondered how quickly I could transfer my savings into my checking account.

Then Candy’s cry pierced the air. “Four thousand dollars!”

The room hushed in combined reverence and horror. Lauri Gruber at last said, “God, Candy, that’s not fair!”

“Is this an auction or not?” snapped Candy.

The mayor’s face was alight. Four thousand was a more than the past year’s auction had raised altogether. I closed my eyes in middle-class income misery as the mayor declared, “David Delany, going once, twice, SOLD! For four thousand dollars!”

Candy pointed a deadly fingernail at the rather pale carpenter on stage. “You’re mine now!”

“I’m afraid not,” said a new bachelor, stepping lithely from behind the line of disheveled and doubled-over fantasy men. He pulled a badge from the inner pocket of his austere suit. “Agent Smith, FBI. Mrs. Martinelli, I’m taking you into custody.”

FBI-Agent had not worked as hard on his costume as the others, but his tough-guy impact was hard to ignore. His steely gaze was so determined that a ripple of hormones surged through the already-titillated room of women.

“No, take me into custody!” begged Wendy Marstellars. “Two hundred for Agent Smith!”

“Two-ten!” shouted another voice, and the bidding was on again, fueled by estrogen. I glanced at my mother, who shrugged, then to the mayor, who looked helpless. The auction had spun out of his control. FBI-Agent’s value reached three hundred dollars when Candy shrieked out another astronomical sum of money.

“You already got your bachelor!” several women yelled at Candy.

“There is no bachelor limit!” Candy shouted back, indicating with a flourish of her checkbook that she could afford them all.

“Shut up!” bellowed Agent Smith thunderously. The room silenced once again while the glowering agent made his way off stage and stalked to Candy. Only then did I notice that two other dark-suited men had approached her from behind.

“Candy Martinelli,” announced Agent Smith, “you are under arrest, for conspiracy to commit the murder of Carlo Martinelli.”

As if it held her will to fight, Candy’s checkbook dropped to the floor. While the backup agents cuffed her, she whined in dismay, but Agent Smith ignored her. He found Wendy Marstellars in the crowd and passed her a business card. “Call me,” he said, smiling at Wendy’s profuse blush. “No bid necessary.”

Meekly the mayor asked, “Can we keep the four thousand dollars?” And David Delany asked, "What happens to me now?"


  1. "No! Take me instead!"
    "Do we get to keep the four thousand?"


    Great sense of comic timing, and you made wonderful use of Marie's set up.

  2. Alas, poor Candy, we knew her well--but that's what she gets for being greedy!
    David is still in the running, but my money's on Calvin--even with only one ear!

  3. OMG that was way unexpected and ROTFLMAO funny. No bidding at the end was the tops! LOL!
    I want to tell all of you that since I have started reading these I have become addicted and it's my first thing in the morning after coffee. Such a great way to start a day with great tales and chuckles.
    Thanks for making my days start out so much more pleasurable.

  4. GREAT TWIST, Christina!

    The romantic suspense writer in me is extremely satisfied with the turn of events. Not to mention that it was all ROFLOL FUNNY! (I kept seeing Hugo Weaving as Agent Smith from the Matrix films.)

    This has been a real rollicking roller coaster ride!


  5. A great twist! Can't wait to read what happens next!

  6. ROFLLMAO!! Christina that was EXCELLENT!!! I laughed SO much!! And I was totally not expecting that whole twisty thing. Great, just great!!! I can't wait for the next one!! You guys are all Hilarious!!!!! I'm SO hooked and it's all Terry's fault!!! Thanks Terry! :P

  7. Well, that took me by surprise! Love it.

  8. Hey, ladies! I'm glad that went over all right--I got a little wordy but I just had to get that Candy her comeuppance. And my book's fantasy-man is a detective, so wanted to throw that type in there for good measure. But I may have taken the easy way out, because you'll notice I still haven't picked a guy for our heroine! If I can't choose, how can she?


  9. Hey, braible--

    Thanks for chiming in! I love the way that the auction has gone, too, and can't wait to see what the next writers do with it.


  10. Hello terry57! Thanks for your comment. I'm addicted to the story too. With this many authors it could just go anywhere, and that's the fun.


  11. Christina, you are a comic genius. Your sense of timing and rhythm are just fabulous! I loved this line: "As if it held her will to fight, Candy’s checkbook dropped to the floor." And my poor David--what happens to me? LOVE IT.

    Lovely compliments from our reader friends. Terra, that you come by with your coffee is so wonderful to hear. Thanks for starting your day with us. And Becky, who is so faithful--thanks for coming by our chat last night and for being so supportive of the blog! We appreciate you guys!!

  12. What a turn of events. I am so glad the rich, pushy, broad got hers. Not being one myself, it makes me feel like there is justice in this world! By the way, the last auction I went to, they were selling old furniture and junk. I am going to tell the auction companies to wise up!

  13. LOL, this is great!!! Four thousand dollars? Wow!!

    I love this!!