Saturday, June 14, 2008

Bachelor Auction-- Part XII

Between me and my highlander lay two round tables full of drooling women. Oh, for super powers. A single bound would come in handy about now.

I tripped over a mailed foot—mailed foot? I double-took the knight kneeling at the feet of a seated Gladys Bellyard, big and beautiful, a gorgeous red sequined top clinging to her ample endowments. The blue-eyed, blond-haired, knight could not keep his gaze from her magnificent cleavage as she removed her chiffon scarf and tied it to his...ummm lance.

Orlando Bloom did bachelor auctions? Who knew?

“Excuse me,” I said, one eye on my Highlander. Oh no, boob-girl, Candy, was also making a bee-line for him, her hand still firmly on David’s tool-belt as she dragged him along.

“My lady,” knight-dude said glancing up. “I doth impede your progress.” He
smiled and clanked to his feet, his mail-clad shoulders a solid wall of metal at eye level. He gave a courtly bow as I passed.

Hot. I was hot. He was hot. Could somebody open a window? I fanned my hand in front of my face.

Now where did I put that Highlander? I scanned the room. Regency-man David caught my eye as he peeled a teenager off his chest. He made one of those American idol phone me signs and waggled his brows. Oh Lord, it was all his fault I was in here.

Feedback screeched through the room. I covered my ears. Some bald idiot was tapping the microphone up on stage. The mayor. He mopped his face, then the top of his head.

“Ladies,” he squeaked. Then coughed. “Ladies.” His voice came out two octaves lower. “Time for the catwalk. Bachelors, please line up to the right.”

Disappointed mutters filled the room. I thought I heard sucking sounds, as if octopi were releasing their prey.

I sank into the nearest chair. The sight of so much eye candy in a line was just too much to handle standing on my feet.

Now for the real fun. The bidding.


  1. LOL! I love the sucking octopus sounds, Michele! And a knight in shining armor--what more could anyone want? The plot thickens!
    BTW, verra nice pic of Darcy!

  2. I liked the picture of Darcy and also the angelic-looking knight.

    What really worked for me though, was the mental picture of the guys all lined up. You'll see what I mean tomorrow.

    Danielle asked the other day where our inspiration comes from. I didn't--and still don't--have a good answer. All I know is I didn't have a clue about which bachelor to choose or where to take the story.

    And then Michelle, you made me see the men in a way I hadn't seen them before.


  3. All right, let the bidding begin! Thanks for getting us there, Michele. I have a feeling we could have listed fantasy men until the cows came home. Hmm, cowboys . . .


  4. Yeah! Take out the claws and let the games begin!

  5. Hey ladies,

    Whew, glad you liked it. This is a tough crowd, so many good writers.

    I love that Darcy picture. There's a certain wicked come hither about that look, and yet a vulnerability too.

    The knight does remind me a bit of Orlando, sort of virginal, but a warrior.

    And there's lots of room for more fantasy. (vbg)

  6. And since we're taking this the rest of the month anything can happen!


  7. Michele,
    I too am ROFLOL over the sucking octopus sounds! TOO FUNNY!

    And Mr. Darcy can give me that come hither look ANY OLE TIME!


  8. OMG ROFL That is just HILARIOUS!!!! I love it!!! Thanks for the terrific laugh today!!!

  9. LOL, Michele, super job! We ought to make this into a novel. :) Or at the very least, Sourcebooks should put it in an anthology, the first of a collection of the combined tales of Casablanca authors. :)