Sunday, June 15, 2008

Bachelor Auction XIII: The Bidding Wars

The mayor explained the bidding rules, while behind him, the bachelors struck manly poses to match their costumes.

Regency David swept a bow, and Captain Jack, the dentist, braced his legs wide on his imaginary deck. David the Carpenter Guy hooked thumbs over his tool belt, an action which—not accidentally—made the wide leather perfectly frame his...uhm,hardware.

Next, the knight drew his heavy broadsword, intending, I think, to pose with it in his mailed fist. But without warning, the nose-guard-thing on his helmet slammed down, blocking his peripheral vision. Carpenter David diagnosed the helmet’s loose screw and triumphantly whipped out a screwdriver. The crowd roared and clapped.

Hearing applause, Calvin thought it was his turn. He extended his fingers in the Vulcan “Live long and prosper” greeting, then remembered his ears and eyebrows were gone.

Nobody could say Calvin wasn’t flexible. He switched to his Zorro alter-ego, drew his sword and slashed a Z into the air. Beside him, the knight was still trying to get his nose-guard back up. He was none too steady on his feet, and he stumbled into the path of Calvin-Zorro’s rapier.

With all that armor the knight wasn’t hurt of course. But just at that moment, he finally got his eyes clear and saw one man slashing at him with a fencing blade, and another brandishing a screwdriver. He hoisted his broadsword in clear challenge.

“Ach, ye braw laddies!” exulted the Highlander as he snatched a claymore from his belt. “That’s muir like it!”

Speedy was more succinct. “Fight!” he yelled. And slugged the quarterback.

10 comments:

  1. ROFLMAO! Will they live through the auction? Way to shake things up Mary Margret!

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  2. The really funny thing is, put a bunch of grown men in costumes and give them tools and weapons, and this is exactly how they would act. I don't know if this insight into male nature is hilarious or terrifying. Nice spin, MM!

    Christina

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  3. OMG that was hysterical. I'll take the Highlander since he seems to know how to start having fun. LOL! This was terrific Mary Margaret! Thanks

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  4. Way to lay down the gauntlet for me MM! Gulp. Off I go to figure out what happens next!
    Marie

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  5. Woohoo, Bachelor Brawl!!!! Love it!!! This has got to be a Cassablanca classic. :)

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  6. "put a bunch of grown men in costumes and give them tools and weapons,and this is exactly how they would act."

    Precisely, Christina. And yet it wasn't until Michelle lined them up that I saw how many of them were armed,and how close they were to testosterone's flashpoint.

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  7. "Way to lay down the gauntlet for me MM! Gulp. Off I go to figure out what happens next!"

    O-o-oh yes, Marie. Heh-heh-heh [evil laughter.]

    That's the funnest part of writing this way. I can put everyone in a mess and I don't have to clean it up.

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  8. Too cool, a brawl. Now I know what you meant about seeing things a different way! Hilarious. And I could just picture it all.

    This is so much fun. Good luck Marie.

    Michele

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  9. Christina, you are sooo right!

    Put a bunch of men in costumes with weapons and this is exactly what they'd do!

    Thanx for the fun mess, Mary Margret! Actually it has all been fun.

    Cindy

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  10. OMG, my poor Calvin! Maybe he really CAN be a Vulcan swashbuckler, hmmm... This is awesome, MM, I laughed my butt off!

    I see a new reality series somewhere in all of this. Bachelor Death Match, maybe?

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