The mayor explained the bidding rules, while behind him, the bachelors struck manly poses to match their costumes.
Regency David swept a bow, and Captain Jack, the dentist, braced his legs wide on his imaginary deck. David the Carpenter Guy hooked thumbs over his tool belt, an action which—not accidentally—made the wide leather perfectly frame his...uhm,hardware.
Next, the knight drew his heavy broadsword, intending, I think, to pose with it in his mailed fist. But without warning, the nose-guard-thing on his helmet slammed down, blocking his peripheral vision. Carpenter David diagnosed the helmet’s loose screw and triumphantly whipped out a screwdriver. The crowd roared and clapped.
Hearing applause, Calvin thought it was his turn. He extended his fingers in the Vulcan “Live long and prosper” greeting, then remembered his ears and eyebrows were gone.
Nobody could say Calvin wasn’t flexible. He switched to his Zorro alter-ego, drew his sword and slashed a Z into the air. Beside him, the knight was still trying to get his nose-guard back up. He was none too steady on his feet, and he stumbled into the path of Calvin-Zorro’s rapier.
With all that armor the knight wasn’t hurt of course. But just at that moment, he finally got his eyes clear and saw one man slashing at him with a fencing blade, and another brandishing a screwdriver. He hoisted his broadsword in clear challenge.
“Ach, ye braw laddies!” exulted the Highlander as he snatched a claymore from his belt. “That’s muir like it!”
Speedy was more succinct. “Fight!” he yelled. And slugged the quarterback.