March winds bring April showers...
April showers bring May Flowers...
May flowers means it's time for the city wide garage sale!
Which is something I do not participate in!
I tried it a few years ago and believe me, that Saturday broke me from sucking eggs. The story goes somewhat like this. Names have been changed to protect the guilty and it's only slightly exaggerated. (I am a writer after all!)
Great Aunt Molly called all the family to tell us she had already put her name in the pot for the big sale and that we would be joining her in a multi-family garage sale. It would be a great day for visiting while we sold all our white elephants. She’d have cinnamon rolls ready at five ... that was A.M.! Which was not to be confused with P.M.! According to her and I have great faith in her wisdom, anything we ate before daylight didn’t have calories or fat grams. But still, ! My cowboys can't even get me out of bed that early so the idea of fat free cinnamon rolls weren't having much appeal!
I moaned and she told me quite sternly I was being like my lazy father and that she wouldn’t tolerate such an attitude. According to her my mother should have never married my father even if he was good lookin' and talked with a slow
“You’ve got a whole week to get your spring cleaning done, price the junk and you’ll be here with the rest of the family to sell it on Friday morning at The sunrise won’t blind you. I’m living proof. Your Uncle Moe has been making me get up at five ever since we married and I can still see right well.”
“Yes ma’am,” I said.
Anyone crazy enough to argue with Aunt Molly has a death wish. But she did not convince me about that sunrise business. Not by a long shot. I got my will in order (just in case it did strike me graveyard dead to get up before daybreak) and made sure my sunglasses were in the console of the pick-up truck (I've still got about 30 books to write before I make that honor roll and I really like to see what I'm writing.)
I started with the kitchen cabinets. I didn’t find a single white elephant but there was a spider or two and lots of junk. Midway through the job I called Aunt Molly to ask her if I could just bring all my stuff over the night before and give whatever profit I made to her teenage granddaughter.
“You’ll be here at sharp, young lady. You aren’t giving a dime to Prissy Jane. She’d just spend it on candy and that would make more pimples on her face. Get busy,” she ordered.
I finished the cabinets, boxed the merchandise and opened the closet doors. Those cinnamon rolls were getting more expensive by the minute.
By Friday I had the pick-up truck loaded and ready to go. I set the alarm for I'm here to tell you, dear hearts, the inward mechanism inside went into acute shock and I had serious doubts that it would even work. But at 4:30 on the dot, it went off and scared the bejesus right out of me. I thought it was the storm warning system and was on my way to the shelter when I remembered why the alarm had gone off at that ungodly hour. I stumbled out the front door and donned my sunglasses... just in case.
Of course I was the last one there. Everyone else was already eating cinnamon rolls with one hand and using the other to fill tables set up all over her front yard.
“Why are you wearing those dark glasses before daylight?” Cousin Hortense asked.
I peeked out over the top of my sunglasses. “They are my insurance. Why are you selling that ugly lamp? Aunt Molly will have a hissy if she sees it in a garage sale. She gave it to you for a wedding present. Did you forget?”
“Good grief!” She grabbed the lamp and shoved it back in the box from whence it came.
The news got around the circle of tables that we’d better be careful what we were selling or else face the wrath of Aunt Molly. Wasn't a single solitary one of us that brave or stupid. We’d already proven it when we arrived to set up a garage sale in the middle of the night.
She’d advertised that there would be no sales before and there wasn’t a single car waiting on the curb for the sale to begin when we finished getting things set up. Not even one early bird begging to buy Aunt Matilda's dusty treadmill or Cousin Hortense's waffle maker.
We had two hours before the sale began. We used our trusty flash lights to check out each table. Great Aunt Emma was selling those cute little doilies Granny Emily Jemima made when she was waiting for Grandpa to come home from the war. I bought them. Cousin Hortense bought my fruit jars and that treadmill...she said it would make a great apparatus to hang clothes on to drip dry. Aunt Mathilda bought her flower vases and the waffle maker. At the first customers arrived on the scene to find us taking the tables down. We’d managed to sell everything we had ... and buy everything every one else had.
When Aunt Molly called the next year and said we were doing another garage sale, Cousin Hortense planned a root canal. Aunt Mathilda had a hip replaced. Several other family members went on instant vacations, and I was working on a deadline. Besides someone had made off with my sunglasses and I sure enough wasn't taking any chances now that I've got contracts pending for more cowboy books! I may even mention a garage sale in one of the books!