by Amanda Forester
Unlike many military spouses who amaze me with their strength and courage, the day my husband left for Iraq I was not feeling particularly brave. I was terrified for my husband and scared at being left alone with my two babies, ages one and two. I was sure I could not do it. That first night I went to bed feeling despair. An hour later I was back out of bed. My daughter was sick and not breathing right. As I raced my baby to the emergency room at midnight I was utterly overwhelmed. How was I going to get through this?
The first month my husband was deployed was one of the hardest in my life. My kids were both sick. My hospital job demanded I work more hours or I would be fired. My other part-time teaching job required a lot of time. We had just moved into a new house two weeks before my husband left so I was still trying to unpack...the list of stressors went on and on. Nothing seemed to be going right. I began to lose hope.
I feared I would be crushed under the weight I carried. I wanted to get away, but of course being the single parent of two little darlings, getting away was not an option. Fortunately for my sanity, a friend recommended I read a romance novel. At first I was resistant. I had never read "those" kind of novels before. I had heard they were poorly written and trashy. My friend persevered, and not having much to lose I gave it a shot.
I will always remember my first Regency romance. I was instantly hooked and stayed up all night wondering if Kate and Lord Bridgerton would ever end up together. Imagine my delight when they reconciled and lived happily ever after. Imagine my even greater delight when I discovered this first book was part of a series (thank you Julia Quinn). After a few books I began to catch on to a basic theme. The couple in question, no matter what horrible stuff happened along the way, always got together in the end. What a relief. I know romance novels sometimes get a bad rap for always having a satisfying ending, but at a time when the outcome of my own love story was in question, I desperately needed to believe in a happily ever after. I needed to find hope.
While my husband was deployed I read countless romance novels. They provided me a much needed escape and a break from the worry that snapped at my heels. Book in hand, I could travel back to Regency England, or medieval Scotland and enjoy a fun adventure. An adventure which always ended well. At a time when I could hear explosions and gunfire over the phone when I spoke to my husband, hope in a happily ever after was essential. This is what the romance novel, in all its various iterations, offers its readers. It offers hope. Hope that good will triumph. Hope that justice will be done. Hope that love will prevail.
Fortunately, my husband returned after 14 months of service. I ran to meet him as he got off the plane. Hugging him tight I just sobbed. I was so happy, and so relieved. We went home to begin our lives together again, and that was when the real work began. He was different. I was different. We needed hope. Hope to start again. Hope again that love would prevail. And it did.
How has reading given you hope through challenging times?
18 comments:
Great post Amanda! As it's been said here on this blog, just hope alone, without working toward a goal, is useless, but when it involves something you can't possibly control, all you have is hope, and the lack of it can be a very depressing things. I'm so glad you found romance novels, and that you went further and began writing them.
Your post could be a love story with a HEA. Beautiful and heart rending, making the heroine stronger and both she and the hero surviving enormous speed bumps in the journey of life. Thank you for sharing something so very personal!
I grew up on the wrong side of the tracks (so to speak) and reading was an escape for me from the time I was just a little girl. By the time I was out of high school I'd been to the most wonderful places, and never left Tishomingo, Oklahoma!
Amanda - first of all I want to than you and your DH for your service to our country. Military families give so much. I'm so glad you found romances and I'm glad you had hope. You've definitely changed my mind about hope--in the situation you were in, there was little more you could do but pray and hope. I'm so glad it all worked out.
Wonderful post, Amanda. Thank you for sharing your story. You are an inspiration. I'm in awe of your courage, faith, and hope. I'm so glad everything worked out.
You picked one of my favorite Julia Quinn books to read, so it's easy for me to understand why you became hooked. ;)
Please thank your husband for serving. Military families give so much. We are definitely free because of the brave.
Thank you.
Wonderful post, Amanda! I feel your pain. It's awful for the service member who's assigned to some of these places, but also for the family who fears for their safety hour by hour. I'm glad he's safely home.
Hi Amanda - I completely hear you!! Our fammily went through lots of deployments in my hubby's 20 yrs in the Air Force, and I have to say it never seemed to get any easier. But romance novels also brought me a lot of much needed distraction and escape after the kids all went to sleep. :)
Thanks for the blog! Wonderfully said!
Amanda--Anybody who has ever dissed the romance genre needs to read your post. You hit it out of the park--that's how much the books we write can mean, that's how special what we do is, and that's how hard it is to watch your man go be a hero.
Aw, I love your post, Amanda. Brought tears to my eyes. Kudos to you for reinforcing why we write what we do, and the hubby for his service to our country.
I can't imagine being a military wife, Amanda. You're amazing! Your husband too!
Hey! Great post! You gotta love a HEA. Romance novels are indeed a great escape from the trials, tribulations and stress of every day life.
By the way--I forgot to say Thank You! You, your husband, all our military and their families have my gratitude. I think most people forget the human factor of war. For military families, it's not just a soundbite on the evening news...it's a daily reality. Thank You.
Anita - very true! I've been interested in everybody's different perspective on hope.
Carolyn - I love that reading can take me to places I've never been (or never want to be!). I am definitely an armchair traveler.
Robin - one of my husband's favorite sayings is, "Hope is not a course of action!" There are times all you can do is hold onto hope, but other times you need to make the change you want to see!
C.H. - Thank you! Little did I know reading romance novels would be so addictive! I enjoy them so much now I'm writing them!
Terry - thanks! We are happy to have him home. I really feel for all those families who deal with multiple deployments.
Catherine - you have my enduring admiration! I thought one deployment ws going to be the end of me -- I stand in awe of families for whom this stress becomes the "norm".
Grace - thank you! What we do is very important. Never let anyone underestimate the power of giving someone hope! And a good laugh - that's good too!
Elisabeth - thanks! Romance novels really helped me through some hard times. Of course they are also fun to read during happy times too!
Shana - I can't imagine being a military wife either! Not sure exactly how that happened...must have been the blue eyes and the uniform (sigh).
Sara - thanks! I really feel for all those families who are missing their loved one, and the loved one who is missing them. My deployment story had a happy ending, but my heart breaks for those whose loved one did not return. I guess this is a good early reminder for Memorial Day to never forget our nations heroes!
Wow... What a beautiful post, Amanda. Thank you! Thanks for sharing and thanks for taking up the pen yourself and adding your shiny light to the world of romance!
Thanks Cat! I still can't quite believe I'm a published author. It is so much fun participating in a medium that has been so meaningful to me!
What an absolutely amazing post, Amanda. You could be a heroine in a romance novel, with all that you went through.
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