Wednesday, October 8, 2008

And now a word from the Sidekick...




Greetings and salutations to one and all. If I may present myself: I am Chumley Masticar of the Undersea World, more commonly referred to as Chum. (Keep the jokes to yourself--no one wants to hear them and they’ve been done to death.)

Sadly, there is no royal retainer title to accompany my station as the best flippered friend of Sir Reel Tritone, second in line to the throne, or, as his enemies would call him, The Spare. Hideous name, actually. Denigrates his importance in the line up.

But enough about Reel. He gets his own book, an entire 85,000 plus words. Me? I think I’ve got a measly 800 of them (but who’s counting?)

So that you know, I am what is known by your scientists as Remora brachyptera, or more commonly, a remora. In rare instances, the uninformed have been known to use the terms suckerfish or sharksuckers.

I wouldn’t recommend either.

Remoras, as you can see by the lovely photograph our author has chosen, are long thin fish with an interesting adaptation on our head. We perform great service to the icthy (no, that’s not itchy) community: we keep their scales and skin clean. Yes, some of you may turn up your air-breathing noses at such a job, but let me ask you this: where would sharks be if they had an abundance of bacteria covering their sensors? Definitely not at Weight-Watchers, that’s for sure. And manta rays. Do you think they would look half as majestic gliding through the water with lunch bits trailing behind them? Of course not. That’s where we come in.

Now, as Reel so kindly points out in In Over Her Head, I am a suckerless remora. I prefer sucker-challenged. There was this boat, and this nasty wave, and, well…(shudders). Not a good memory.

But Reel came along with this outsea-ish proposal to scare the scales of a few Mer ladies and I couldn’t resist. He’s a kidder, that Reel. Now, the girls didn’t take too kindly to having the be-zeus-us scared out of them, but Reel and I? Well, let’s just say it was the start of a great friendship.

And now he’s gone. Oh, not to that Great Aquarium in the sky, but to the arms of a woman. I get it and all, but still…giving up your freedom to net yourself to a female for the rest of your days? I won’t tell you what else he’s given up, but the freedom thing was enough for me. So now he’s fishing-lined himself to the ol’ hook-and-bait, off living his happily-ever-after, leaving me to fend for myself.

You know, I coulda been a cod-tender (if I could figure out how to speak Cod). I coulda been someone. Instead I’m stuck telling the whale of a tale of Reel’s love story with his catch-of-a-lifetime for what? A few measly clams and second-hand glory?

I get no respect, I tell ya. No respect.

Oh, yeah. The book comes out in June, 2009. Just in time for beach season. You might want to consider putting it down when you’re sitting on the beach and check out the waves. You just might see the latest board-less surfer riding a few totally tubular waves…

Hang ten, dude. Ah heck. You wanna see the inspiration for Reel? Here ya go. Don't say I never gave you anything:




43 comments:

  1. Chum! Giving you some love because you are one of my favorite, shall we say, characters. Hopefully, you'll get more page time in the future.

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  2. I've always considered remoras as, well, "icky", Chum, but you might make me change my mind. That whole being attached thing...mega-ick.

    Life is hard for the second banana. You may need your own book to explain yourself and maybe become what you really are....
    Anyway, good luck!

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  3. stopping by to say hi to my "chum" Judi! Can't wait for your book to come out!

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  4. Chum needs his own story! Where would the heroes in this world be without their sidekicks? Lost, that's where! (No, not the TV show "Lost".) Maybe he can "hook" up with a cute little angelfish?

    Personally I wouldn't mind hooking up with that surfer dude. Sweet! Thanks for the perk-me-up, Judi!

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  5. Chum, we've never had a blog from a fish before, so this is a momentous first. We always enjoy hearing from characters, whether they be fish or fowl or . . . other. Have you met Jazz's bunny slippers?

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  6. LOL, Judi. Chum certainly is a character and Yum on the eye candy. Thanks for sharing.

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  7. Me? I think I’ve got a measly 800 of them (but who’s counting?)


    But it's quality not quantity and I'm sure they're great and looking for to reading them!

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  8. Eye candy indeed! Chum, great interview! Can't wait to read more about you!

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  9. Great to hear from you, Chum. I will talk to Judi about giving you your own book, since clearly you are a man of, um, character! Yeah, that's it. Character! Enjoyed hearing from you!!

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  11. You definitely deserve your own book, Chum! If you'd like I could have Fluff and Puff talk to Judi about it.

    Linda

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  12. Great eye candy, Judi! I'm looking forward to your book(s)! Congratulations!!

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  13. Chum! It was great getting to know you. I'll talk to Judi about a book of your own. I for one can't wait to hear all about you.

    Robin :)

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  15. Yo, Chum! I feel your pain, buddy. But if not for you, Reel would have suffered greatly--you're a Reel Hero, (pun intended!). That should warm the cockles of your gills, for sure dude!

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  16. Chum you do a great blog. I'm sure Reel's head will come out of the waves sooner or later. Then he'll recognize what a great friend he has, if he doesn't all ready.

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  17. God, I love eye candy! I also love sidekicks. Sometimes they are my favorite aspect of books, enhancing the main characters, well, character. Love Chum!

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  18. Chum sounds like a real character. What a sense of humor. I look forward to reading more about him.

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  19. Chum,

    Sorry to hear that your friend Reel has moved on. It sometimes happens to the best of us. Swim on and insist on getting your own collection of words from Dame Judi.

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  20. Funny, I never thought Matthew M. was attractive or sexy till I saw that picture on the surfboard...

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  21. So Chum...I don't wanna get too personal here...but as a sucker-challenged remora who is now Mer-less, what's next for you?

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  22. Yeahhhh I can see where that pic would *inspire* you!

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  23. Chum, it's so very good to meet you. You sound quite the character--maybe you'll get a story all your own one day.

    But how about filling us in on Reel's lady? I mean, what does it take to win a Prince of the Sea? Do any of the rest of us have a chance of finding our own? And do we have to find ourselves in over our heads to meet such a Prince?

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  24. Well hello everyone! So nice of you to drift by! Let's see if I can answer some of these questions, shall we?

    Margay - I thank you kindly. You have always been there for me, through ebb and flow. Blessings of the gods upon you.

    Irene - Remoras are "icthy", not "icky," my dear. Sheesh, one might think you didn't have spell check, but I do love the idea of my own story.


    Carla! A woman after my own heart. Are you, perchance, a little bit angel? Or are you a saucy little devil? Hmmm? (wink, wink, nudge, nudge)

    Christina and Linda - I'll have my people call Fluff & Puff's people and we'll do lunch.

    Denise, how utterly sweet of you. But in my mind, size matters, so I want the whole echinoderm...

    Ah, Pat...the giver of images to our author. The Researcher of Google, the Finder of Emerald, the...what? too much? You think? Okay, I'll behave. But I do know where there are some pyrates for you, m'dear!

    Thank you, Marie - any chance you can get me tickets to a Marlins' game? No? What about the Dolphins? Ryan must know SOMEONE…

    Thank you, Robin, my dear. Let’s just make sure that Vinny steers clear of seafood dishes when we meet, capisce?

    Ginni, Sherilyn, and Jenni: I dub you all head honchos of the Chumley Masticar fanclub. As to warming cockles, Gin, so…whatcha doin’ this weekend? Hmmm…

    Why, Jenny, of COURSE I’m a real character. I’m real, too. But I’m not Reel. Mammals…ick.

    James! My man! Hey dude! Cool of you to stop by! Yeah, Reel. What are ya gonna do? I am liking this “his own story” idea, though…

    Hey Other Lisa, what’s next? Well, some seem to think I should be starring in my own story. It’s a thought. But then there’s that cute angelfish idea. Must ruminate on it… Or, Hades – I could always move to LA and chat it up with you while you enjoy your “retirement.”

    Ms. RWE: What does it take to win the heart of a Mer prince? Well, now, dear lady, if I told you here, there’d be no reason to read the story, now would there? It’s quite a ride, if I do say so myself. And, yeah, I might have some part to play in the happily ever after, but it’s not just about the love. There are diamonds and sea monsters and big tails and guns and octopi, and eels, and Mer chicks…lots of good stuff here.

    Now, someone want to clue me in on what “eye candy” is? Sounds rather gross, and if it has to do with this picture at the end of the blog, well, I mean, I guess there might be some attraction for the women, but sexy? I’ll leave that up to you all. Me, I’ll take a pass. I don’t swim that way. Not that there’s anything wrong with that tidal pool, just not my thing.

    Thanks for stopping by! I highly enjoyed my first interview. You will notice I said “first.” I might milk this 15 minute thing for all it’s worth.

    Ciao!

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  25. Chum, you've given some great answers! And I really would consider you a real (or is that reel?) chum, if you'd be so kind as to point me in the direction of those pyrates! Yo ho ho!

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  26. Looks like Chum has a lot of chums!

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  27. Don't forget the gift shop at Sea World. It's a natural for that Davey Jones' locker.

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  28. It's always sad when a friend abandons his best chum for a woman. But maybe there will be little mer/humans for you to sucker in the near future. That would be fun, right? Oh. Sorry. I hope that didn't conjure thoughts of the sucker incidence. Hang in there, Chum.

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  29. That would be sucker incident. LOL!

    It's been a long day....

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  30. Hi Chum. Excellent interview. I hope you get to post more.

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  31. You don't have to hit me on the head with a flounder to get me to take a hint. I looked all over for the eye candy, but all I saw was some dude on a surf board. Do I have to click a link or something? Put a quarter in the USB slot? I'm so lost.

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  32. Judi, that was so cute. And I'm a big fan of cute!
    Chum or perhaps, Chumleigh, great interview. I have to admit I wouldn't have looked twice at you. Now...well...let's just say I'm a bit more enchanted. And a lot impressed. But then, I've always had mermaid yearnings.
    And, may I say, I hope you do get your own love story...or a great romp with Fluff and Puff, those raspberry spitting wabbits.
    P.S. Judi, congrats on your release date! Yay!

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  33. I'll skip the eye candy, but poor Chum-reduced to the role of the plucky narrator! Hopefully, his dreams will be realized someday.

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  34. Congrats on the 800 words, Chum! A lot of fish, heck, a lot of people, envy that kind of coverage.

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  35. Great pun--Chum the remora is a sidekick. LOL! Great eye candy, too! I enjoyed reading your post.

    Best--Adele Dubois

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  36. What Ken said. I see a lot a flat chests. So? But anyway, I loved that line "I coulda been a cod tender" Oh Judi, you are really the one and only. Brain candy.

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  37. Chum, buddy (mind if I call you Buddy?) I tried to think of something clever to say, but it seems I'm all washed up.

    Sorry about the miniscule 800 words, but I think you should be grateful Judi chose you at all. Between you and me *whisper* there are plenty of fish in the sea.

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  38. That is some delicious eye candy for sure! :)

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  39. Can't wait to read this one, Judi, but then I'm a sucker for hot, wet guys.

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  40. Chum, there's a soft spot in my heart for you. You were the one that made me giggle as I read of your adventures. Real sorry about your head. At least your brains still work just fine.

    Can't wait to see your cover Judi.

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  41. Sounds like a delightful diversion Judi. Can't wait for Reel's tale to be released.

    Nice eye candy too. Though the boys hanging at the pier here ain't too bad.

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  42. MMMM. Great Judi! Oh and that whole chum thing was good too! LOL. Can't wait to read that book!!

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